It came to my attention before my maternity leave that I was out of integrity in one of the very areas that is a key tenet for my work.
Once this integrity wobble came to my attention, it felt like sweet relief.
It was possible for this integrity wobble to feel like relief because shame doesn’t live in my body anymore, which means instead of an integrity wobble going something like,
“Oh my gosh. I’m a terrible leader…I’m blind to the very thing I teach other people!”, and then proceeding to beat myself up about it over and over again, it now looks something like this:
“I’m so thankful that came to my conscious awareness when I was ready to see it. Being out of integrity was not intentional, and is part of my humanity. Being a leader means that I was open to seeing it as soon as I could, I’ve taken responsibility for it, and I’m making the needed adjustments to integrate this.” and there is no more fanfare about it. I’m able to just move along…*cue rubbing the dust off my hands*
I believe we all have blind spots where we are out of integrity.
Being a leader doesn’t mean we aren’t ever out of integrity, it means that we are open to seeing where and when we are out of integrity, owning up to it, and making gentle course corrections. All of this is made so much easier when we fully accept ourselves and have rid shame from our bodies and minds. Otherwise this process of realizing you are out of integrity can make you lose yourself in self-flagellation for days, weeks, or months at a time, stalling your mission.
In fact, the more we are accepting of ourselves, the more we have rid shame from our bodies and minds, and the more we have integrated our shadows, the more we will consciously see wobbles in our integrity, because doing so will now feel *safe* to us, and not like something we have to avoid at all costs because it would be a threat to our self-concept that we’ve constructed that has no room for shadows.
If our integrity wobbles can become as simple as, “Oh, isn’t that interesting, let me course correct here!”, then it becomes safe for us to see them often and readily because we know we can handle it.
This to me is embodied leadership.
“Once we have faced our own hidden or denied self, there is not much to be anxious about anymore, because there is no fear of exposure. We are no longer afraid to be seen — by ourselves or others. The game is over — and we are free.”
— Richard Rohr
Sign up to receive more posts like this directly to your inbox via bi-weekly Insider Circle Newsletter here.