Allowing Life to Change You

“This life is meant to change you, can you let it?”-Sheleana Aiyana

If I could give 2022 a theme it would be CHANGE.

It has been a shedding of skins that have gotten itchy, too tight, and ill fitting.

It’s been an allowing myself to let go of what is no longer working, what is still good but potentially no longer in my highest alignment, and leaning more into what my soul is craving instead of continuing to go on the same well-worn path just because it’s “business as usual” and much easier to not change a thing.

This deep season of change has touched practically every aspect of my life: my friendships, relationships, marriage, family, and business.

I stopped attempting to salvage friendships that I thought would be life-long that had become unreciprocal and no longer life-giving and simply allowed them to be what they currently are. No more forcing, pushing, or trying to get them to be what they were.

I stopped practicing Physical Therapy entirely after thirteen years of clinical practice, a Doctorate level education in the field, and 80K worth of debt to my name for that education.

I devoted myself entirely to the craft + skill of coaching, my business, and my heart’s longing after nearly five years of having to divide my attention.

I became pregnant with my first child after four long years of trying and opened myself up to an identity and ego death portal (not to mention lots of physical discomfort and stretching) that was much deeper than I could have imagined or anticipated.

Here comes the part that feels vulnerable + scary to share–amidst all these changes, I’ve felt the need for a big shift in my business, too.

As I’m officially in my third trimester as of this very day, I am feeling the desire to slow down.

To nest.

To prepare my body, mind, and soul for what is to come as I undergo the archetypal journey from Maiden to Mother.

To not spend so much forward-facing time on social media.

To prioritize my current clients and spend my time with my people who have chosen to be here, in this Insider Circle newsletter.

This feels scary to admit to myself and you, because while I know the desire to slow down and shift my current focus in this way is authentic, right, and true, it also feels at war with the part of me that has worked so damn hard on my business for five years, and to whom my business success (which I take to mean being able to meaningfully help as many people as I can that are in alignment) is very important.

In fact, to that scared part, this decision feels like certain death of all that I hold dear and have worked so hard for.

It’s not “good business” practice by conventional standards to slow down your forward-facing marketing.

It’s not “good business” to tell your community that you really don’t know what capacity you’ll come back to your business following the birth of your child and that you don’t have a more defined “plan”.

It’s not “good business” to shift what’s been “working” and allowed you to have the best year yet in your business.

And?

Fuck good business if it costs you your truth, your authenticity, your soul.

It may not be “good business” practices according to the business gurus out there, but it is radically honest, and I trust both me and you with that.

“First rule: Listen to your inner voice.

Second rule: Be honest with yourself.

The predicament is that you listen to your inner voice, and it lead you to a path, and then you outgrow it. And you don’t want to admit that you’ve outgrown it, because you’ve made a big investment in it.

But you must be willing to let go, to stand as naked as a newborn child, again and again and again” -Ram Dass

In decisions, I have always found that there will likely feel like two parts of yourself are at war.

(In this current decision, the part of me that desires to slow down and make some changes that feel authentic to me at this stage of my life, and the part of me that deeply desires business success)

Deciding what to do requires radical honesty with yourself, which takes immense courage.

Radical honesty about what you really want.

What you are willing to do.

Your current beliefs, habits, and ways of being that may be limiting you.

What you may not want to see.

The ways you have potentially been living safe, but not free.

Where good may be asking to be set aside for better.

And after getting radically honest with myself in all these ways, I decided to bank on this:

My authenticity = my success.

I no longer choose to believe or live by my authenticity hindering my success, or that these two things are at odds.

“Your art. Your career. Your writing…they’re allowed to evolve as you do.

Don’t imprison yourself inside the box of old passions. Don’t pressure yourself to stay the same when really, you’ve changed. Don’t pretend you’ll be safer if you just keep traveling the well-worn path.

Denial of this season’s desire is the fastest way to deaden your soul. And that’s not safe. Not safe at all.” -Rachael Maddox

Perhaps it’s your time to get radically honest with yourself, too?

Perhaps, like me, you want to bank on the two parts of you that have felt like they were at war with each other, actually being the gateway to what you really want?

What do you really want?

What are you willing to do?

What are your current beliefs, habits, and ways of being that may be limiting you?

What are the ways you have potentially been living safe, but not free?

Where might the good be asking to be set aside for better?

Here are some of my own journal entries about my own willingness as I’m entering into this season of change:

I am willing to open when I’d rather close.

I’m willing to experience pain, loss, and hurt.

I’m willing to risk trying.

I’m willing to endure discomfort.

I’m willing to be vulnerable.

I’m willing for things to be challenging.

I’m willing to play the long game.

I’m willing to work hard.

I’m willing to rest.

I’m willing to honor my body over societal norms.

I’m willing to honor my truth, no matter how unpopular.

I’m willing to be wrong.

I’m willing to change.

I’m willing to grow.

I’m willing to slow down.

I’m willing to be honest.

I’m willing to be seen.

I’m willing to be met.

I’m willing to connect.

I’m willing to create.

I’m willing to enjoy.

What are you willing to do to honor the changes that are asking to be birthed in your life?

XX,

Kim