Maybe you wouldn’t even call what you’re experiencing “conflict” per say, perhaps conflict feels like too strong a word. I don’t care if you label it “conflict” or something else, what I’m speaking to in this article is a sense of inner tension: knowing that something is bothering you and keeping you from the depth of relating that you crave, and you want to be able to express it to the other person.
You want to express something to come to a resolution, and you want to do that in such a way that it actually facilitates and deepens connection.
When does helping someone cross the line into actually disempowering them? How can we know when to help, and when it’s time to let them handle it on their own?
Understanding the difference between empowering and enabling is crucial for all relationships including relationships with partners, family, friends, clients, and colleagues.
Knowing the difference between empowering and enabling is beneficial not just for the person you’re in relationship with, but also for yourself. …
One of my deepest wounds is feeling that my needs aren’t as important as others.
This wound comes up in all sorts of different ways in my life, but something that this wound would have me doing regularly would be to forcefully share and express my needs the moment that I realized them without much of a filter.
I felt that if I didn’t share my needs immediately it meant I was in my old pattern of putting myself last and telling myself that someone else’s needs were more important than my own.
It was my way of standing up…
The women I work with are typically sensitive, empathetic, and very conscious of the needs of others.
All of these things are amazing traits and skills, but they often feel hesitant to take up their rightful space because they are so attuned to making sure others feel comfortable.
They don’t want to “hog” attention or make everything about them, so they often swing in the direction of making themselves small, quiet, and unobtrusive.
Before I go any further, let me expand on what “taking up all your rightful space” actually means.
Taking up your rightful space means the freedom and…
Do you feel disconnected from others? Do you feel like no one really knows you, or you don’t belong, or your relationships aren’t fulfilling your desires for connection that you crave?
This is something that I hear a lot from the women that I coach and I’m given a lot of reasons for it:
-My family/friends don’t enjoy the same things as me
-The people I hang out with don’t like to have deep conversations
-I don’t feel like others initiate hanging out like I’d like
-I don’t have the time/energy for cultivating the relationships I’d like
The reasons for…
“Whatever story you have in your mind is probably a reflection of whatever polyvagal [nervous system] state you’re in. And whatever polyvagal state you’re in is probably just a normal reaction to whatever you’ve been through in life.”-Justin Sunseri, LMFT
For the longest time I could not think positively or be in joy for the life of me.
I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I thought the worst possible thing was just about to happen, and my mind consistently gravitated towards whatever negative thing was going on. …
“Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgement, or blame”. -Brene Brown
“I’m scared I’m going to screw it up”.
“I’m scared they are going to be disappointed in me”.
The women I hear this from are kind, empathetic, and want more than anything to love those in their lives well.
They are jumping through so many hoops:
Trying to anticipate others needs. Making sure that they say exactly the right thing so that no one…
How do you know the difference between the type of fear that you push through, and the type of fear you need to listen to, and potentially change directions?
I had this question come up on a coaching call the other day, and I wanted to share my response with you here because I think this is something that ALL of us will have to feel into at some point (likely way more than once!), because there is no way to ever reach the point of being “fearless” in our lives, no matter how much inner work we do.
I’ve been having a fair amount of sessions with women lately that are experiencing “imposter syndrome”.
They are kicking ass and taking names at work. They’ve been promoted to leadership roles, and they can tell me all the logical reasons why.
They’ve been with the company forever. They know the ins and outs of what needs to be done better than anyone. They have fulfilled the duties of this role long before they were given it. They have the credentials and all the degrees.
Despite knowing logically why they have been promoted to these leadership positions, internally they feel like…
There are things that you’ve maybe wanted in your life for as long as you can remember, but you feel like you’re holding yourself back.
You feel like you’ve tried everything, but you just can’t seem to shift the patterns that are on repeat that don’t allow you to get there.
You procrastinate when you really want to take big, bold strides in your business.
You hide out and play small even though you want to use your voice and speak up at work.
You stay glued to your phone when you really want to get outside, take a walk…